17 April 2005 | Vol. 5, No. 1

Dialogue Heard with Steaks on My Eyes

by STEVE PRICE

I'm gonna name a planet after you.

She went to take my picture, you know, when I was up in the bleachers? I couldn't get

   my face to stop smiling.

Somebody roll up a magazine.

Everything over on that side of the room is paid for.

Don't be shaking people's hands with that fragrance.

You're not missing much, just a bear dressed like a bunny.

What's my best friend's name again?

It's all skin and no apple.

She said she was tired, then she goes and puts her legs behind her head. And I'm

   supposed to just sit there and read some stupid brochure?

They stick a little watch under your windshield wiper.

He doesn't want milk, he wants milk—milk.

Don't call me Guadalupe.

Where's what's-his-ass? I hope he didn't go back to the pool.

Get off it, nobody wants elephants on their pants.

Look, I'm not here to butt heads, I'm just saying anyone who knows anything about

   music doesn't just go ahead and toss it all up like bingo balls.

Please stop saying waterfall of fire.

Two flies fucked and had that one. Does that answer your question?

Anybody who tells you they're in love is really in love with themselves.

Someone's making waffles.