18 April 2010 | Vol. 10, No. 1

The New Curriculum

by SANDRA SIMONDS

is all about showing off how different it will be from

the old curriculum. The old

books point us to the new

ones won't matter when the old

ones point us to the

new. You, the new you

will learn one

less language. This situation is like looking into the purple eyes

of a beautiful woman only to find

that she is a seal, lives in the ocean,

dreams about sardines (if, of course, seals

eat sardines) and though kelp may sway

her body, that seal won't have anything

to do with you, the old curriculum.

No more turning

a turducken into a kiwi fruit, a koala bear into

cayenne pepper, a conquistador into

confectioner's sugar. Dim-

inutive fantasy, this is common

sense. No crème brûlée. It's all

Russet Potato here. Pretend that holes

in maps look through no where and go

from there. Go

north for winter. Do not

suffer through ice (technically

a mineral). Take a protractor

and compass and mark exactly

where you are with a large

red X. You are one

step less.

Replace. Replace.